Am I Healing or Avoiding? The Difference Between Coping and Recovering From Trauma
Introduction
You’re doing the breathing exercises.
You’re staying busy.
You’re staying “positive.”
You’re doing everything you can to feel better — but deep down, you still feel stuck.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I actually healing, or just avoiding what hurts?”
You’re already asking the right question.
In this article, we’ll explore the difference between coping and true trauma recovery, the science behind avoidance, and the clear signs that you’re finally healing — not just managing symptoms.
By the end, you’ll understand exactly where you are in your trauma healing journey and what steps can move you forward.
1. Coping vs. Healing: What’s the Difference?
Coping
…is about reducing pain in the moment.
It helps you survive, stabilize, and manage your symptoms.
Healing
…is about resolving the pain at the root.
It rewires the nervous system so those symptoms stop happening in the first place.
Both are important — but they are not the same.
Coping gives temporary relief.
Healing creates long-term change.
2. Why Trauma Makes Avoidance Feel Like Safety
Avoidance is one of the most common trauma responses.
It’s not laziness or denial — it’s biology.
When something reminds your body of past danger, your amygdala sends a warning signal.
Your nervous system then says:
“Don’t go there. Don’t think about that. Don’t feel that.”
The purpose of avoidance is protection.
The result of avoidance is disconnection.
According to neuroscience:
Avoidance reduces short-term stress,
but strengthens trauma pathways long-term.
That’s why the more you avoid your pain, the stronger the fear response becomes.
3. Signs You’re Coping (Not Healing)
You might be coping if:
1. You stay busy all the time
Work, hobbies, cleaning, scrolling — anything to stay distracted.
2. You numb your feelings
Numbing can look like overworking, overeating, overthinking, drinking, or disconnecting.
3. You avoid conflict or difficult conversations
If you shut down or fawn (people-please), your nervous system may be protecting you.
4. You feel “fine” until you’re triggered
Then everything floods back in an instant.
5. You intellectualize your feelings
You can explain your trauma…
but you don’t actually feel safe.
6. You don’t trust rest
Stillness feels uncomfortable, unsafe, or unproductive.
Coping is surviving.
Healing is transforming.
4. Signs You’re Actually Healing From Trauma
Healing is subtle — and most people miss the early signs.
You’re healing when:
1. Your reactions become less intense
Instead of spiraling, your nervous system calms down faster.
2. You notice your triggers instead of being consumed by them
A moment of awareness replaces automatic panic.
3. You can name your needs
You start saying:
“I need space.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with that.”
“I deserve better.”
4. Rest starts to feel safe
Your body lets its guard down — slowly, then all at once.
5. You feel emotions without drowning in them
You cry without collapsing.
You feel anger without guilt.
You move through emotions instead of avoiding them.
6. You stop blaming yourself for your trauma
Shame gets replaced with understanding.
7. You feel more like “you” again
Your personality begins to return — quietly, beautifully, steadily.
Healing doesn’t always feel good.
But it always feels truthful.
5. Why Healing Requires Feeling (Not Just Thinking)
Many people think they’re healing because they understand their trauma.
But healing doesn’t happen in the thinking brain.
Trauma lives in the body,
so recovery must happen in the body too.
This is why:
Reading about trauma
Talking about trauma
Understanding trauma
…is helpful but not enough.
Healing requires:
Nervous system regulation
Somatic awareness
Reprocessing traumatic memories
Emotional integration
Safe connection
Trauma therapy helps you experience safety — not just talk about it.
6. The Role of Trauma Therapy in Moving From Coping to Healing
At Golden Roots Therapy, we guide clients from surface-level coping to deep, nervous-system-level healing using:
EMDR
Rewires traumatic memories so they stop triggering survival mode.
Somatic Therapy
Releases the stuck energy that creates physical symptoms.
IFS (Internal Family Systems)
Helps you connect with the protective parts of you that learned to cope instead of heal.
Polyvagal-Informed Therapy
Restores safety, connection, and regulation through body-based practices.
Your system learns to feel safe — not just less overwhelmed.
7. A Simple Self-Check:
“Am I Healing or Avoiding?”
Ask yourself these questions:
Do I feel lighter or just distracted?
Do my tools calm me or numb me?
Am I facing my pain or running from it?
Do my triggers lessen over time or stay the same?
Does my body feel safer today than last year?
If you feel more aware, more honest, and more connected — you’re healing.
If you feel more disconnected, numb, overwhelmed, or avoidant — you might still be coping.
Either way, there is no shame.
Coping is how you survived.
Healing is how you begin to live.
Final Thoughts: Avoidance Kept You Safe — Healing Will Set You Free
If you’re unsure whether you’re healing or avoiding, remember this:
Avoidance is a survival strategy.
Healing is a freedom strategy.
Both served a purpose.
But only one gives you your life back.
At Golden Roots Therapy, we help clients across Saint Paul, Mahtomedi, and the East Metro gently transition from coping to true trauma recovery using EMDR, somatic therapy, and deep nervous system work designed to restore safety from the inside out.
If you’re ready to move from avoiding your pain to healing it, book your trauma therapy consultation today.
You don’t have to stay in survival mode anymore.
Your healing story starts when you’re ready.
